Part 1: The Voice We Don’t Use
How brilliant women hide the one truth that could change everything
You can be articulate. Assertive. Emotionally intelligent.
You can have hard conversations, set boundaries, name your needs.
You can be the one who says what no one else will say — in leadership, in your work, even with friends.
And still. You might find yourself in a relationship — or many — where you don’t say the one thing that actually matters.
The one truth that threatens to change the shape of everything:
“This no longer feels good.”
“I want something more.”
“I’m not sure I want to stay.”
Not because you don’t know it.
But because saying it would risk rupture. And for some part of you — maybe the part that grew up navigating emotional absence or subtle neglect — that kind of rupture still feels like death. So many high-functioning women live this paradox: They appear strong, grounded, empowered — and they are. But they’re also managing. Hiding. Bracing.
They stay in dynamics that drain them.
They adapt to inconsiderate partners.
They explain and re-explain.
They lead the emotional growth work for two.
They don’t raise their full truth — not the relational truth, the attachment truth — the one that says:
“If this is what it’s going to be like, I don’t want it.”
Because they’re terrified that if they say it, they’ll be left. Or they’ll have to leave. And they’re not sure which one scares them more. This isn’t weakness. This is survival. It’s the genius of a girl who didn’t feel emotionally seen or considered, and learned to compensate with competence. With performance. With perfection. With being the one who holds it all. She didn’t learn to disappear. She learned to protect. To show everything except the part that could risk abandonment.
To be strong — but guarded.
Visible — but not fully revealed.
This is where the real work begins.
Not in better communication techniques. Not in “saying it nicely.” But in reclaiming the voice that’s tied to your right to be seen, even if it costs something.
This kind of quiet hiding is not just emotional — it’s physiological.
Living in a state of low-grade, chronic self-suppression activates the stress response system — the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis. That means consistent surges of cortisol, subtle inflammation, and nervous system hypervigilance, even when life looks calm on the outside.
You’re constantly scanning for risk — not in the world, but in your own truth.
Over time, this eats away at your vitality:
fatigue without cause
shallow breathing or tight throat
insomnia or restlessness at night
a sense of dullness or low-level resentment
and often, symptoms that get dismissed as “just stress” or “just hormones”
Lisa Feldman Barrett’s research shows that emotions are predictions based on body states — if you constantly suppress your truth, your body adapts by narrowing your emotional bandwidth. You lose access to joy, ease, and clarity. (Barrett, L.F. “How Emotions Are Made,” 2017.)
In The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel van der Kolk shows how long-term suppression reshapes the nervous system and perception of safety. And Stephen Porges’ polyvagal theory explains why your throat constricts: the vagus nerve shuts down expressive capacity when the body senses threat.
So if you feel like “I can’t say it” — it’s not imagined.
It’s embodied.
You can know all this. You can coach others through it. You can give the advice. And still, your throat closes. Your chest tightens. Your mind spins.
This isn’t about logic. It’s about the part of your body that still doesn’t believe it’s safe to tell the truth. And if you happen to have an open emotional solar plexus in your Human Design, this may feel especially familiar. You’ve likely spent a lifetime absorbing the emotional waves of others, trying to avoid conflict, gauging impact before expression — and often deciding that silence is safer. But that silence has a cost.
(This is a core theme I work with in Human Design sessions, especially for open or undefined emotional centers.)
Gentle Reflection
Take 5 minutes today to notice this:
When was the last time you had something true to say — but held it back?
Not because you were unclear, but because you were afraid it might change the relationship.
Where did you feel that in your body?
What did it cost you to stay silent?
Just observe. No judgment. Let your body speak.
Want to explore this more deeply?
If this is landing in your body — not just your mind — and you don’t want to wait for the next part of this series, I’m here. You can reach out to me directly if you’d like to explore this in session. This is the kind of unraveling that changes everything.
